How to do this?

In light of recent events, I have been really thinking about all the mental health issues people have.
I am trying to form my own opinion and not that of a majority of people.  Part of my struggle is being afraid to have someone disagree with me, so often I will just say I agree with them.  I need to stop.  so here is how I really feel.

I suffer from depression.  I think I have always had it.  But it was ignited into full force after my first child was born.  All I remember is breaking down on my kitchen floor and crying for help, because I didn't know why I felt so empty, useless and unable to cope when I had a picture perfect life from anyone looking in.

I finally decided to call my doctor, who I love and trust.  We decided on a treatment and therapy.  It helped, for a while.  Then I was convinced by many people that drugs were not the solution.  I got the "you are such an awesome person, you just need to be positive"  also the "just eat healthy and exercise everyday"  While these are words of advice for everyone I think.  They are not always choices.  Especially the "positive" effect.  When you sink into that low place, you can not will yourself to get up and run.  Let alone get up.

To all the people who think medication is not the answer I ask you, if you had cancer would you not seek chemo or radiation?  If you had a tumor, would you not seek help to remove it?  If you got a cut would you not get stitches?  Having a mental issue is not because I am mad at someone or sad because of an event or someones words.  It is a chemical imbalance.  It is a mishap in my system that doesn't account for some things.

After a while I stopped the medication, thinking I was ok and could give it up.  NOT the case. My brain will not just start producing the things I need to stay on track.  I need help to make it happen.  And when I get that help I am the person I like.  Now yes I still have bad days too, just like every normal person.  I get sad, and angry, and upset.  But it doesn't send me into tale spin of disaster.  I cope.  I talk it through, and I learn.

Luckily I have been forgiven by those people I hurt during a very dark time in my life.  And now they are my support system.  I am thankful for them everyday.

But on days like Friday in Newtown, CT.  I am so scared that people that do not have the support like I do will just snap one day.  I know that this a hereditary and many people in my family have succumb to their depression.  They have acted out, and by hurting themselves, hurt our family.

I watch my kids carefully and pray they never suffer from my bouts of depression.  But I look for the warning signs.  It iwll be an open topic of conversation at my house.  And not a hidden secret like it was in my house growing up.  Had I known all the family secrets I may have learned about myself earlier. But now I know, and I want to help others.  But they have to be willing to get help.

It is a fine line our society draws between normalcy and people who don;t "belong"  we need to act somehow.  I don't have an answer today.  But its on my mind.  And  I am ready to speak out and do something for others.

On my way to the dentist... so to be continued.

Squish

I am going to go Kick Ariel Around A Bit

So I may be crazy,

I am blogging two days in a row... WHAT?  Yes I have had this funny feeling of optimism for the last few days.  I don't know what's gotten into me!  But I like it.

I actually went for a walk/run yesterday afternoon, I blogged, I was productive at work, cooked dinner, kicked the soccer ball with my daughter.  Which may have been my most fun activity.  So the story is I bought my daughter a soccer ball at Old Navy.  It is lavender with purple accents and peace signs.  Very appropriate for a 3 year old.  But here's the kicker (pun intended!)  She named the soccer ball, Ariel!  So I crack myself up asking her if she wants to go outside and kick Ariel around.  It's sweet!

So here is my advice, get a ball, give it an amusing name, and anytime you have a rough day, you can just say.. "I'll be outside kicking Bob around"  And you will get many odd looks, but it is hilarious!

Now go relieve that stress! If you need me I'll be out back giving Ariel a swift kick in the ASS!

The Squish

Drive Way Happy Hour

So my friends,

After living in my house for 4 years, I have finally become friends with some of our neighbors.  It has been great!  We've exchanged babysitting, and had a BBQ, and a birthday party or two.  But I write today to tell you about maybe the best thing to happen on my street in years!  Drive Way Happy Hour.

Although I can not take credit for the name (way to go Regina!)  It is pure awesome!  We get home from work.  Well the neighbors and my husband get home from work, I come downstairs from my office. And if it's nice we grab the lawn chairs, a drink of choice (it's always beer).  And let the kids play!

It's so great.  I love being a Mom but in reality, I miss that after work happy hour while you de-tox from work, but get a little drink on!  We hardly discuss, work, but I tell you what it is the best happy hour in town!  I encourage all of you to start this in your own hoods!

Cheers!!

The C

Squishtini: What Vacation?!?!?!?

Squishtini: What Vacation?!?!?!?

What Vacation?!?!?!?

So this is the first year in my entire adult life that I have no "me vacation" plans.  I always take a "me" vacation.  Go hang with my bffs, go away, pretend to not have a responsible side and go a little crazy. (ok really crazy)  For example, last year I escaped to Lake Tahoe with my bff and two of my sisters.  SPent about 7 hours drinking white russians and playing blackjack.  Then went to a hot tub party where I got crazy drunk on mimosas and 100 proof peppermint schnapps.  Threw up over the side of sed hot tub. (I have only thrown up about 5 times in my entire life so it's a really BIG deal)  oh yeah, then I went to bed, thinking I was at home in my Queen size bed only to roll over, fall on top of the pan for puke because I was in a twin size bed.   Couldn't get up and had to be picked up and put back to bed by my Mom's best friend's husband.  You should have seen the bruise!  Wish I had a pic!

Well, this this year it's already March and I HAVE NO PLANS!  I don't know who I am anymore?  I would rather spend money on my house than extravagant vacation? What?!?!?!?!  And the one vacation I do have planned is a family vacation.  Oh shit!  I am really an adult?  God, I hope not.

I think usually I hate my job so much that I have to plan out my whole year so I have something to look forward to.  Well, not this year, I am loving my job. (ok, well, not loving, but REALLY liking)  SO I guess I am not trying to escape a crazy boss or meeting, or anything to do with work.

But let's stay on topic.  I have got to plan something!  Need ideas!  Oh and fun people to go with!

Let the comments roll!!!!